What Are You Up To Now
by x0xkassieannx0x
Summary: What happens when you leave two bored navy sailors alone while the two commanding officers are on watch together? Chaos. Nav/ET implied slight Mike/Kate but I mean slight.
1. Chapter 1

An ET/Nav implied story. What happens when you put 2 bored navy crew members togather while the bosses are on watch? This is extremely random and there is more than one part. It is a humour story as well. BTW this is my first story for Sea Patrol so I hope you enjoy it.

I own no one in this, they all belong to Nine

**What are you up to now?**

ET and Nav stood in one of the storage rooms where a portable tv was set up. They looked onto the television screen where two officers were getting very intimate.

Nav snorted as she tried to contain her laughter while ET was going purple from not breathing because he was to afraid he was going to laugh.

On the bridge Mike had his arm around Kates shoulder and they were both snuggled into one another, both oblivious to the spectators.

Nav looked at ET who was trying to regain his coposure. She smiled, "I will be back soon."

ET looked at the Nav and nodded. "Good luck. Your gonna need it."

Nav smiled and saluted him, "Yes sir!" ET laughed as Nav walked off.

He checked his watch. It was 1am in the morning, the CO and XO were both on watch this particular night, but ET and Nav had a new plan worked out and they were giving it it's trial run. ET watched the screen as another image popped up on another television. This image was from the mens cabins where one guy was sleeping with a stuffed toy.

Suddenly onto the screen Nikki's figure popped up.

In her hand she had a can of shaving cream. She poured it into Buffers hands and tickled his nose with a feather.

She then moved across to Spider who was snoring away loudly, she wrapped a few meters of elastic around his bed so that he coulndt get out.

Then she made her way over to Cheffo, the final victim for the night. He was snuggled up with a toy shark, she replaced the shark with a large, dead fish, wrapped up in plastic.

She quickly got out of the room before any of them woke up.

ET was in the storage room laughing uncontrolably when Nav walked back in. "Oi Nav, chek this out."

Nav looked at the creen that showed the bridge. She laughed when she saw that the CO and the XO were making out with each other. "Awww…how sweet…hang on…ewww gross! We don't need to see this, you perverted pervert!" Nav screamed at ET who was on the floor laughing.

"Please tell me this is real." He said while watching the screen.

Nav picked up a remote that was sitting on the bench and hit ET over the head with it. He looked at her with puppy dog eyes. "Aww why'd you do that?" He whined.

Nav smiled, "Cos, you deserved it."

ET pouted while Nikki bent down to him and kissed him on the cheek. "You know, I always had a thing for bad boys."

ET laughed. "Yeah and I always had a thing for bad girls, where did you ever learn to do these sorts of tricks?"

Nav laughed. "I have older brothers, I was the vicytim of these attacks."

ET laughed. "I understand that."


	2. Chapter 2

For the rest of the night, or morning ET and Nav spent it in front of the two television screens where their own personal Big Brother cameras were showing them the ships happenings.

Nav was still curled up into ET's chest when she saw that the first movement from the mens cabins were happening. She quickly kjumped up, standing on ET's leg in the process.

ET let out a yelp and faced Nav. "Why did you do that? Its 5am in the morning!"

Nav giggled. "Look!" Nav screeched as she pointed madly towards the screen where 3 men were getting a rude awakening. Thanks to ET's brilliant electrical skills the chaos duo also had an audio camera hooked up in the room, thanks to the last time they were on shore.

A high pitched screech, then followed by cursing came from the man who woke up next to a dead fish. More cursing was followed when the youngest member tried to get out of bed and proceeded to fall flat on his face as he became tangled in the meters of elastic wrapped around his bed.

Nav and ET were laughing so hard they were crying, when it came to the final victim they watched on in waited anticipation while he decided to get a good look at himself. They proceeded to laugh as more swearing was heard from the rooms.

Back in the room the three victims looked around the room at who was missing. "ET is missing."

Buffer looked around, "Yeah but he was on watch this morning so he probably has already left, he couldn't come up with something like this. Though the amount of time he has spent hanging around the Nav I wouldn't be surprised if she had something to do with it." Everyone agreed.

Back in the storage room Nav and ET were packing up their poirtable screens and gadgets. They were now aware that the men were on to them but they still had dirt on the two officers in charge. And in the Nav's point of view she was a Lieutenant as well, therefore suspicion would fall solely on ET, or so she thought.

Et wrapped the gadgets up in a brown paper bag and gave them to Nav to hide in her room since she new that the XO probably wouldn't go through her stuff unlike the other guys would. Nav also had the recordings from the previous night, or morning and hid them as well.

As Nav made her way back to her room she was met with Kate standing there waiting for her. "Nav, where were you?"

Nav looked around and swollowed. "Uh, I was just looking for ET cos I couldn't find him to go to the bridge."

Kate stared at Nav while Nav looked around nervously. "Well did you find him?" Kate asked.

Nav nodded her head. "I did more than just find him." She thought to herself. "Yes ma'am I did, I will just be going to the bridge now." Nav said as she briskly walked away from the XO, forgetting about the footage still in her bag.


	3. Chapter 3

Nikki walked up to the bridge expecting to see ET already standing there. What she didn't expect was that the entire male population of the crew, minus the CO and ET. She looked at the faces of the crew, especially the three standing directly infront of her.

"Uh, hey guys, why are you's all up here?" She said with a forced smile and a little giggle that was more worried than happy.

"I don't know Nav, we thought you might be able to help spread some light on this." Cheffo said as he held up a large dead fish, still wrapped in plastic.

Nikki forced an even bigger smile but failed miserably as she looked even more guiltier than before. She laughed. "Umm, I don't know what you are talking about." She said as she faulted under the gazes of the angry men. "How did you end up with a dead fish that big?" She asked Cheffo as Spider walked over.

"What I want to know is what do I tell the Xo and CO when they ask me where I got all these buises from." Spider said as he reveled some pretty nasty bruises that stood out like a sore thumb.

Nikki frowned, "Damn I didn't think about that." She thought to herself as she looked at Buffer who had broken out in a rash. She deadpanned. "Great he's alergic to that shaving cream." She thought to herself as Buffer continued scratching his already red and blotchy face.

"Now I don't want to see you get in trouble Nav but my face pretty much hurts like hell tight now." Buffer said as everyone took another step closer to Nikki.

"But, but it wasn't me, I swear, it was ET!" She said as she looked around for her partner in crime, but couldn't see him.

"Oh really? Then why did he say that it was you who did this and all he did was wait for you to come back?" Cheffo said as he looked at Niki right in the eye.

"Uh, well, uh." Nikki stuttered. "Give it up Nikki, we know it was you, we cornered ET and he told us everything." Buffer said as he signalled for ET to come up.

Nikki giggled as she saw ET tied up in ropes but then frowned when she realised that this meant that she was now in some deep trouble. "Uh, can we just forget about this please?" Nikki begged as she became surrounded by the group of annoyed sailors.

They all advanced on her. "No can do, sorry Nav but we are gonna have to do somethng to you now." They said as she backed against the wall.

"Uh, ummm." Nikki started but were interupted whenn X walked into the small room.

"Whats going on in here?" X asked as she eyed all the guys who ahd surrounded Nikki.

"Uh nothing ma'am." Nav said quickly as all the guys death stared her.

Kate didn't look convinced but when all the guys left the bridge she stopped worrying and left herself.

Nav looked around at ET. "I will get you." She said as she glared daggers at him.

ET luaghed and shrugged. "What ever you do to me probably wont be as bad as what they will do to us." He said with a laugh and Nikki slapped him.

"This is your fault." She said as they looked out over the water.

"What ever you say Nav, whatever you say."


	4. Chapter 4

That night Kate had gone into the CO's cabin to talk about a private matter. Though this was brilliant for the boys it meant that there was hell to pay for Nikki. Nikki was trying hard to stay awake all night but after the long day she had had avoiding the guys she was exhausted and fell asleep.

ET had once again been tied up by the other guys in elastic that had belonged to Nikki when she had wrapped Spiders bed up in it. ET was gagged as well and blindfolded.

The guys had lead ET out of the junior mess and down to the officers cabins where Nikki was in a deep deep sleep. They smiled as they walked over to her, Cheffo leading the way. As they made their way to her bed, which unfortunately was the top bunk they gagged her and blindfolded her so she couldn't see what was happening or alert anyone to what was going on.

All she did was feel herself being moved through what could only be the outside of the ship, she started to get a bit nervous and wondered what they were doing. Suddenly she felt a hand on her arm, she reconised it as ET's. She relaxed a little but knew that they were totally done for. She just hope they had some sort of civil personality in them. But she kind of doubted that theory.

Suddenly she felt her self being lifted into something and from that moment on she knew something wasn't right. She felt the object below her getting lower and lower when suddenly she heard the rushing of the ocean swell. She froze.

"Oh crap!" She thought to herself as she felt herself going up and down. She tried to untie her arms to see if ET was in the boat with her. When she felt someone land on her she knew that he too would be the one in the boat.

ET snuggled up next to Nav as they felt themselves drifting backwards. Suddenly though they were jolted forwards and realised not only were they in a small blow up boat but they were also attached to the HMAS Hammersley going through what had to of been at least 6 meter high seas. She tried to hold on for dear life but she couldn't since her hands were tied up so she settled with holding on to ET.

Back on the deck of the boat all the guys walked back inside laughing their heads off.

"What will happen when the CO and XO find out?" Spider asked as they went back inside. Cheffo smiled.

"They will never know because we will get them before the XO and CO come out." He said as he rounded a corner and ran straight into the X.

"Uh good morning ma'am." He said as he gave a sideways glance towards the others who were still behind the wall.

Kate smiled, "Yes, good morning," She said as Cheffo kind of slithered past her sheepishly.


	5. Chapter 5

Just as Cheffo slithered past the X she turned around. "By the way, why are all you guys still awake and it 2am. You should all be sleeping, and where is ET?" Kate asked as she looked around.

"Well, uh, you se ma'am, we couldn't sleep since someone farted in the room and it smelt really really bad, and Et? Well ET is a little tied up at the moment with other things." "Or people." Cheffo added.

Kate, not fully believing them couldn't be bothered to interrogate them at this time of the morning so she walked past them and towards her cabin.

The guys let out a breath and realised that they were almost busted. Then Spider remembered something.

"Um guys, you do realise that the CO is going up to the bridge." He said.

All the guys panicked.

"Crap!" Said Swain as they all started making their way out to the side of the boat but were cut off from a call by Kate.

They heard footsteps coming towards them and they ran for their lives, they split up and hid in different parts of the ship.

Spider who had decided to lock himself in the toilet watched as Kate walked past him annoyed. He opened the door as soon as she was out of sight and started to look for the others.

After a few minutes Charge had been recovered from the engine room, Swain from under a chair in the senior sailors mess, RO from another part of the engine room, uffer from behind the RHIB and Cheffo from the radar tower.

Cheffo felt a tap on his shoulder and froze. He turned around and saw Kate standing there with a frown and anger evident in her facial expression, he swallowed hard.

"Ma'am." He managed to sqeak out as he looked around him for support.

The other guys had started to sneak away but Kate stopped them.

"No way, you guys are all staying right here. I have seen everyone except ET and Nav, where are they, and don't say you don't know cos I won't believe you." She said threatening them.

The guys all looked around and found the ground and kept their eyes there.

"Well, where are they?" She asked knowing that they all knew.

The guys all looked up and pointed at Cheffo. "Ask him." They all said at the same time.

Cheffo prayed that the ground, well ocean in this case would swallow him uo right there and then. They were suddenly cut off by a girlish scream coming from the back of the boat.

Kate turned around to the back of the boat and walked towards the railing while the guys were contemplating whether they should run and hide or not.

"Guys, we are done for you know, we won't here the end of it and we will all be up on charges." Swain said as everyone looked around at them as they heard Kate gasp.

"You blokes are in a lot of trouble!" She yelled form the back of the boat as she noticed the inflatable boat hanging form the back of Hammersley. Not to much later she noticed the two figures inside.

"You's are all in serious trouble, tell the CO to stop the boat and then we will get these two in and you's are all in a lot of trouble." Kate finished as she stared at the men extremely angry.

"Next time Cheffo, you are going overboard." Charge muttered


	6. Chapter 6

No longer than 5 minutes later foot steps were heard. It was much like a horror movie in a way. The sea had gone eerily calm and all that could be heard was the slow footsteps hitting the deck of the boat. All over the deck crew members had silently creeped in to watch the action unfolding.

Just as Chefo thought he couldn't stand it any longer he felt a hand on his shoulder, he jumped about a mile in the air almost reaching the place of his last hiding spot on the radar equipment.

As he turned around he saw Mike standing infront of him with a slight hint of a smirk on his angry face.

"I hear that there is a hassle with two crew members who have gone missing in action." He said as Chefo made himself extremely small instantly regretting the idea.

"So much for a well thought out plan, apparently it had a few minor," He looked at Kate's face, "scrap that a lot of major kinks in it."  
He thought to himself and he glanced around at everyone smirking at him, especially Charge who was grinning like Cheshire cat, come to think of it Chefo realised that almost everyone was.

He gulped much feeling like a gold fish being stared at by little kids, he was so caught up he was worried they were going to start poking him as if he were in a little clear fish bowl.

He was snapped out of his trance at the sound of coughing.  
Chefo stared up at the angry faces of Nav and ET as they were pulled out of the floating, inflatable, well non inflated boat, as well as still being tied up.

He contemplated jumping overboard but then he knew they wouldn't give him the satisfaction of getting off that easy.

He flashed a wide grin that resembled something a 5 year old would smile like after they had just put their mother's makeup all over the houses white walls and carpet.

Chefo watched as the crew members advanced on him and true to his word Charge picked Chefo up and tied his hands to a piece of rope that was laying on the deck attached to something that looked like...

"Wait a minute." Chefo thought as he studied what was infront of him. 'Guys this isn't funny, this is dangerous." He panicked.

"So was tying us up and dumping us into a small blow up boat into 6m seas Oh-So-Brilliant-Chefo." Nav remarked with a scowl on her face.

"Yeah Chefo you live to feed so why not demonstrate your abilities or lack there-of to the hungry sharks." ET smirked seeing Chefo's face at the mention of shark bait, but suddenly remembered Finding Nemo.

"Now's not the time for thinking about Finding Nemo." Chefo mentally scolded himself and took one last look at the crew before he was pushed into the cold dark ocean. He looked at his hands which were tied to the rope and his feet that were duck taped to a pair of ski's.

He gulped, he never really got the whole thing of balancing on water without sinking.

The crew all waved at Chefo before Mike spoke. "I believe you should do the honours Nav." Mike said as he handed his radio to Nav. Nav grinned, "It would be my pleasure. Start both engines full speed."

The slight grumble of engines alerted Chefo that this was real.  
"Oh crap." He thought as he felt himself moving up and down and side to side in the whitewash of the boat.

On deck video cameras, mobile phones and digital cameras were out taking up the once in a life time opportunity.

Chefo had long ago taken to closing his eyes as he felt every little bump they went over, slightly scared at the thought that there might be a hungry shark looking for a midnight feast following him from a distance.

Nav and ET laughed. "Only 5 minutes left Chefo, that shark should hold off til then, he seems to be gaining on you though." ET grinned as Nav burst out laughing as Chefo tried to move. Unfortunately that only ended with Chefo ending on his butt while his feet were still attached to the ski's.

"I am so dead." Chefo thought as he felt his overalls getting thoroughly soaked by the white wash.

5 minutes and one semi-conscious Chef later the crew looked on happily as Chefo woke up from his nightmare.

"Ah, what happened? And why am I soaked?" He asked as he stared at the crew. Then he remembered. "Oh uh, hey guys, let's forget this ever happened okay call a truce?" he asked nervously.

Nav smiled sweetly. "Of course Chefo especially since your watch starts in an hour." Nav said as Chefo groaned.

"I thought you were on?" He said.

Nav smiled, "I was but somehow I ended up sick so I have to stay in bed now." She said with a slightly evil grin on her face.

Chefo gulped, 'Yes ma'am. I'm sorry."

Nav smiled. "Oh Toby this is nothing yet, just you wait, just you wait." Nav laughed as the crew left the deck to get some much needed sleep.


	7. Epilogue

The next morning the Hammersley had some free time in which Mike had let them take the tinny over to the beach on an isolated island. After his 1 day stunt on galley duty RO had been given the honourable duty of cooking lunch for the hungry crew. Chefo on the other hand was visibly tired and was dozing off on top of a rock.

Nav grabbed the whistle that was hanging around her neck and forcefully blew the offending thing as loud as she could, Chefo woke up with a start and stared at Nav who death glared him back. All the guys walked over to where Kate and Nav were standing.

"yes ma'am?" All the crew members asked as they approached the two female officers.

Nav stepped forward, "In honour of our last free day before going back to port instead of the traditional touch game we will be having a netball game instead. As Charge is our ever keen sportsman he happens to have a portable set of two netball hoops that we can tie to trees." Nav said as the guys all looked around each other.

Kate also stepped forward, "As well that we have sorted the teams as follows, there will be the pink team and the yellow team. The pink team consists of the following, Swain, Buffer, RO, Spider, Harry, Jim and Chefo. The yellow team will be, myself, Nav, Charge, ET, Chris, John and Craig." She said as the two teams split up.

Nav talked again, "And these will be your uniforms for each team." She said as she pulled out a bag. She held something up from the bag and the guys mouths dropped open towards the ground while Nav and Kate smirked.

Chefo stuttered, "You can't make us wear that." He said as he looked around at the rest of his team.

Kate smiled, "Yes we can the CO has already authorised it and will be watching the video we create from the game which is already set up over there." She said pointing at the video camera on the tripod that stared at Chefo.

Nav laughed, 'Now go and put these on over there while our team puts on our uniforms." She said as she held up their team uniform which was a plain yellow polo shirt.

The guys form the pink team groaned, "Chefo this is all your fault." Buffer complained as he looked at Chefo.

"Hey, you wanted to get them back as well." He retorted at Buffer.

Five minutes later the yellow team waited for the pink team to remerge.

When they did a chorus of giggles and snorting followed.

Out of the woods walked Chefo and the rest of his team, all in pink frilly fairy skirts and hot pink tank tops with a pair of wings attached to their backs.

Nav was laughing so hard she almost fell on the ground but Kate caught her. Chefo walked up to Nav.

"This is cruel and wrong." He said as he stared at them which only made Nav and Kate and the entire team crack up laughing even more.

Kate seeing that her counterpart wasn't up to speaking stepped forward. "By the way, the captain of the team who loses has to wear a specially made fairy dress created by Nav herself." Kate said.

"And now you's will all be wondering who the captains of each team are." Said Nav as she picked herself up off the ground.

Everyone nodded eagerly but Chefo had a feeling he knew exactly who was going to be captain and he just prayed that his team would win.

"I will be captain of the yellow team and Chefo here will be captain of the pink team. No without further ado we will start." She said as everyone took positions on the makeshift court.

After an hour of intense playing and Chefo realising that his team had absolutely no coordination whatsoever the game was won by the yellow team at 50-1. The 1 point that the pink team had scored was when both of the yellow defenders were out of play and Spider just got the shot in after it rolled around the hoop a good three times.

The end of the game followed and the yellow and pink teams both cheered.

The yellow team cheered because of them winning and the pink team cheering at seeing Chefo wear the ridiculously girly contraption.

Back on board Mike heard all the commotion through the radio and smiled, "yes everything was going well." He smiled and picked up the SAT phone and dialled Commander Marshall's private number.

"Hello sir, it Lieutenant Commander Flynn, yes I'm okay, I was just inviting you to come down to the dock when we arrive, no sir its nothing dangerous, at least for you or us. Okay sir see you then." Mike hung up the phone and smiled, "Yes Chefo was certainly in for it when he got back to port." He thought to himself with an evil grin.

After the Hammersley had all started their way back to port Nav walked out of her room with a coat hanger completely covered by a black plastic bag hiding its contents. She found Chefo and tapped him on the shoulder.  
Chefo jumped in the air at the sudden presence of another person in the galley. Nav gave him a sweet smile.

"Chefo mate, we are only 15 minutes from port, its time for you to go through with the deal." Nav said as Chefo looked scared.

"I could get in trouble couldn't I?" He asked hoping that he could fool her into letting him out of this terribly compromising situation.

"No such luck, already cleared with Commander Marshall, the entire NAVCOM and navy crews present will be attending our arrival." She said.

Chefo sulked, 'Oh Nav, don't make me do this please?" he begged.

Nav laughed, "As if, you snooze you lose, literally, now put this on and make your way out to the main deck we will all be waiting."

You could here the excitement on the ship as crew members made their way to the deck to wait for their special guest of honour. The port was insight and the crew members where armed with video cameras and digital cameras, probably the same ones form last night.

Another 5 minutes later and Chefo walked out onto the deck which resulted in a chorus of wolf whistles and laughs. Chefo walked up to Nav.

"I'm here ma'am, where do you want me?" He said knowing there was no way he was getting out of this now.

Nav laughed and lead him to the front of the ship, "Right there where the entire group of visitors can get a good view of you." She said as she looked at Chefo up and down and burst out laughing as well.

Chefo groaned as he heard the crowed of people on the dock at port. Nav handed him a fairy wand and a crown, making sure his wig was positioned properly on his head she whispered to him, to smile since she would be watching him at all times.

Chefo turned to the front of the boat facing towards the dock where laughs from the crowed could be heard along with a chorus of, "Give us a kiss Chefo." Coming from the other navy officer and sailors.

As the boat made port Commander Marshall walked up to Mike and whispered to him, "What did you do to make him dress like that?" He asked curiously.

Mike laughed, 'Let me give you some advice, never annoy female officers, especially when they know how to sew." He said as he took another look at Nav and Kate bowing and smiling widely at the same time.

Commander Marshall looked at the Hammersley's two female officers and Hammersley's Chef and nodded, "Point taken Mike, remind me to never send those two together anywhere, especially when a male sailor is involved.' He said seriously as Chefo was forced to parade around in his fairy princess dress around the dock blowing kisses.


End file.
